Happy Early Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all that are fathers, have fathers, and whose fathers are no longer alive.

Father’s day has always been a day where it’s very mellow and depressing for me. I’ve celebrated it for twenty-four years without a father in my life. My dad passed away when I was only two—it’s not something that I am afraid to tell others when I am asked but it does spark up a mass amount of sadness from deep within me. I never got to know my dad nor had the chance to know what having a dad felt like. I have fantasized what it was like to have a father ever since I was old enough to know my dad was gone and would never come back no matter how many wishes I made to stars at night or how much I prayed. I used to be so envious of my classmates and friends when their dads came to pick them up from school, so envious when I walked by parks and saw kids playing with their dads.

I don’t even have enough memories with him to even recall his voice. Maybe I have heard of his voice but I can’t remember it at all. I never knew how it felt like to be protected by a dad or being taught by a dad about life. It’s something I felt I missed out on greatly but because I had no father is what turned me into an even stronger person. What I’ve always told myself is my dad is always with me though I cannot see him. I know he loved me very much from stories my aunt used to tell me and that he was a great man who sacrificed several years in prison for something his older brother did. In my heart, my unclear memories, and the chips and pieces I’ve gathered, I can proudly say he was a great man and a hero.

All I have of him is of what others have told me along with the few pictures I collected of him. I selfishly wish that if there is a next life or an afterlife, I wish to be able to meet him and finally be able to make memories with him. I used to wonder if he still remembered me or had he already reincarnated as another person and is living a good life. I wish the best for his spirit each day no matter where he is and I know he wished the same for me as well as my aunt once told me.

Being able to have a father is a great gift…having a dad to teach you how to play ball and to take you fishing and do all sorts of fun stuff that a mother can’t do. Having a dad to protect you from bullies and a dad to protect you when your mother is scorning is a blessing. How I wish I could have a chance to experience that but I couldn’t. I wish everyone whose fathers are still alive and well or who are fathers to spend all of your time with your loved ones and hold them tight. Because life is unpredictable, we don’t know what can happen in the next hour. Please leave your loved ones with even more memories and love and express your love to your fathers as well.

Don’t take your fathers for granted. Even if they aren’t the best dads, they are still your father and I don’t believe there is any amount of hate, anger, or grudges that you cannot be let go and forgive them for. Grudges, bad memories, hate, anger,  whatever bad emotions you harbor for your fathers should be let go of, forgive them, and accept them for the way they are and love them.

Happy Father’s Day everyone!