Different Types of Persistence

An amount of time has gone by since my experience with someone I sincerely like. I must say that even though I have received his answer…my feelings for him has not grown any faint, any less, any weaker but it’s only grown stronger. I know that I shouldn’t have developed feelings for him because our positions, but the more I tried to forget and let go—the harder it has become to let go. I don’t plan on letting him know that I am still stuck on him. I don’t want anything from him yet I can’t control my persistence and can’t control myself from liking him.

Why must I try and fight the feeling and my own heart then? Why trouble myself each day over the feelings that should have never developed for him? I can’t change what has occurred and can’t run from it.  I have decided to place this amount of affection and feelings for him and hide it deeply in my heart. I won’t trouble it with him again or trouble myself. I have decided to treasure every experience and interaction with him and hold onto those memories. This is the natural order of how all things in life should be. I don’t want anything anymore but just to be near him and hope that what I have now with him won’t change.

Here is a Chinese proverb, which I love:

既来之，则安之.

Take things as they come.

子欲避之,反促遇之,子欲求之,反疏之远也。

The more you try to avoid something, the more likely you will come into contact with that thing. The more you want something/chase after something, the further it will get.

This has been my mindset for several months. This is very the best and I find myself happier this way. I feel that he is more comfortable and happier this way as well. That’s a good thing for both sides and those around us, right? I’ve always had this mindset but whenever it comes to love and relationships…I always become a bundle of confusion and tangled strings. But I won’t again. If I won’t ever get over him, I am fine with that. I wish for nothing but only for the moments and memories I can have with him. That is the way I have always been but at some point—possibly my persistence got out of hand and it turned me into someone I no longer recognized. I seemed foreign to myself. I won’t make that same mistake again.

I hope that everyone who is suffering from relationship problems, family problems, friend problems, whatever it may be, to remember these proverbs and to not expect anything from anyone or force things to go your way. Just be happy that they appeared in your life and treasure the memories you can have with them. Enjoy their company and let them enjoy your company as well. What will happen will even if it takes a long time and what doesn’t…don’t persist in it but just place your feelings inside your heart and follow the natural order. Because persistence will just push what you want further away, do you wish for what you want to be further from your reach than it already is? Take things as they come and let things be as they are. Everything has a natural path that has to be followed.

I’ve recently had a talk with a friend about how the situation we both experienced of our feelings. I told them that if it feels right but it’s didn’t turn out the way you wanted and letting go feels wrong then choose to persist in holding on. I won’t let go and remember the good memories and the good brought to me. It’s my own persistence and I am not doing anything or bothering anyone just holding onto what feels so right. I do realize this goes against the proverbs I’ve mentioned but living each day and just holding onto the good memories, experiences shared are enough and it gives me strength to keep moving forward.

I do believe there are different types of persistent behaviors ranging from where you persist outwardly such as stalking, calling people and leaving creep messages, blackmailing, threats, and so forth. We then have the second type of persistence, which is the type that harms no one. It’s a peaceful and quiet type where only one side persists and doesn’t do any outwardly actions to bother them or push them further away. You don’t seek anything in return and don’t wish for anything. Think of it as “just allowing me to dwell on it by myself. I won’t bother you or disrupt you again.” So I dare to argue that proverb is too broad.  

I’ll let you guys sit on this! Good day!