True Forgiveness: We Were All Nice Once...But Life Changes Us.

Recently-I’ve been talking to a friend about how being a nice person all the time would get nowhere and others would step and use you. I do believe that the majority of us were originally kindhearted children and as we experience more in life and grow up we change. We change because we’ve gotten tired of being stepped on, changed because we no longer wanted to get used, changed because we were tired of being taken for granted. It’s understandable because we are all human after all. It will never always be others taking things from us and we never wanting anything in return. Life makes us change and forces us to change who we are originally were so we can better protect ourselves.

I don’t disagree with my friend. Everyone deals with this differently and evolve through life experiences differently. I’ll share my intake on this. I’ve been taken advantage of, I’ve been pushed around, stepped on, used, and disregarded in school and growing up. I’ve been through horrible tragedies at home some of you are aware of. My family has layers and layers of hate, anger, guilt, and things I don’t want to mention. I rarely speak of them because I figure they are wounds that shouldn’t be probed at after so many years. Not that they aren’t still happening at home but I no longer feel much pain or hatred or anger only indifference.

Ever since I was a child, my aunt taught me to be a selfless child and to not hate or hold grudges towards others, to always be compassionate, tolerant, considerate, and understanding others. And those teachings shaped me into who I am. I’ve always felt I have changed much since a child. I may yell and talk loudly with acts a kid around friends but logically and emotionally I am so much more grounded and silent. I observe too much and think too much rather than speak. I can safely say there hasn’t been any ugliness or terrible things I haven’t seen and experienced. That is why nothing fazes me and why I seem the same all the time.

I don’t have to wish to change and I will keep continuing being a nice person not because it’s what other sees of me but who I really am. I treat everyone with an open heart and mind even when I’ve made a conclusion about someone’s personality and who they are as a person. I accept them for who they are and I choose to keep things separate and not let it effect work or personal life. I won’t change how I treat someone because they are a horrible person or a bad person nor will I confront them for things they’ve done. I accept them for as they are because that’s how they’ve shaped themselves through life experiences and the path they chose for themselves.

I’ve seen people hold grudges for years and years. I often question why won’t you let those grudges go and move on with your lives. I’ve only held a grudge my own mother when my aunt told me what happened not longer after I was born when I was very young. I didn’t understand why she did what she did. When I got older, I understood under my aunt’s teachings and that grudge dissolved quickly. Holding a grudge against someone is a very tiring thing and hating someone for a long time is equally tiring. Why not just treat it as an experience and say thank you for teaching me that.

True forgiveness is not easy to carry out against other people. I am sure many people have been wounded terribly by loved ones and friends and haven’t found the energy nor heart to forgive. I believe though that there is no pain that cannot come to pass or hate that cannot cease but it depends on how big of a heart you have and how accepting you are.

I feel that good people become bad people or people who start to have attitude is because they’ve gone through too much pain and experiences and been hurt by too many to be able to forgive or return to being good people. It isn’t easy and I don’t know how I’ve done it for most of my life. It just happens so naturally, grudges aren’t held long, anger and hate towards others dissipate quickly as soon as it happens. I am willing to forgive everyone, to let bad things go, to accept things and people as they are though I grumble off at the mouth at times but there is no real anger or hate involved just indifference and weariness of life’s high and lows, ups and downs.  

Life is unpredictable as simple as that. It forces many to change. 

Why blame others when you learn of the truth of an event? If we keep blaming others over the smallest things, then this world would be filled with too much hate and blame. If we allow our emotions to run wild and hate others, blame others, become aggravated by others and refuse to let go of that, we would of course become a different person. That is why I feel our instincts and emotions are the most dangerous part of us. It can change a good person into someone else. However, with all I have seen, witnessed, and gone through---I am still the same old girl. I frighten myself at times how my view and way of thinking about things are but that’s just how I am. I only would say: embrace every bad experience as a lesson, embrace every betrayal, pain, aggravation, moment in life as a lesson and then say ‘thank you’ and forgive. Forgive others for everything they’ve done big and small. That is true bliss and it will allow you some peace as well, I hope.