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Yes, I lose all logic...
Tuesday, August 19, 2014 @ 1:17 PM

I may never understand what love is. And people I love may never understand why I love in such a fierce and stubborn way. I wouldn't describe it as fierce but it is similar to if I set my mind and heart to a guy, I think put my full attention on them and smother them with my passionate nature and feelings is more like it. I would never be unfaithful or loyal or even have a crush on another guy. Because this guy, I've set my mind and heart on is sucking all my love out of me into him. 

Recently--I've been faced with the matter of two guys who like me. One is an old high school friend and one is who I might at work. The difference between them is the one from high school is especially direct and blunt and so mature. We have much common and overlapping qualities we want in another half. The one from work is a bit less mature and more adventurous and young of course. But we are like a set of porcelain dolls with similar views, personalities and basically similar to the other guy. The thing is this younger one likes beating around the bush and and not saying what he means or feels directly. there has been a mixture of signs from him. The older one has already confessed his feelings for me and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I feel like I'm running as fast as I can at the center of a Ferris wheel.  I cannot slow or stop my feelings for the younger guy and one side I feel guilt and lost with the older guy. They are both wonderful guys and I still can't decide. I am loyal to the younger even though the time we've known each other is short but I can see it to be amazing. 

I am sorry, I am all but logical right now and am able to decide. Time is chasing up to me and in another few years I will be thirty. How fast eh? I have lost all the pieces of logic in the world and I don't know where to pick them back up from. 

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Ten Years too Late.
Thursday, June 5, 2014 @ 12:49 PM

Have you ever had an unrequited love? Many of us probably have. I have just recently reconnected with a guy from back in high school, and he suddenly told me that he had a crush on me in high school. But because we were both afraid that the other didn't like us and we were really shy that we let it come to pass. 

I wouldn't call myself pretty but many have said I am very cute and look no where near my age. I never imagined that someone would have liked me or much less have a crush on me. When i found out, I dwelled on what could have been. Where would we have gone if we had gotten together, thrown away that fear and shyness and worries and just did it. 

He said life is too short to live in regret that if you like someone you have to say it. However, we both came to realize it ten years too late. 

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Friday, May 9, 2014 @ 5:54 PM

Homes cannot be measured by square feet, by rooms, by how many bathrooms or studies there are. Homes are nothing if no one lives in them and create memories in them. Homes can be a one bedroom apartment with three people living in it. It's only a place where we can have a roof over our head. It gives us the essential needs as a human, a place to rest, to recuperate before we step into society again. Homes aren't built to be happy. They are just made of bricks, wood, paint, stone and will age with time, but the memories the people who lived in it made won't ever fade.

When people say that they are happy when they go home, it's not because of how the home looks, not because of it's kitchen, that expensive, chandelier or television set. But it's because of the people that created it, created a life inside the home. We have to make the home an enjoyable place for us to return to at the end of a tiring day. A place where we can forget the pain, the frustration, the stress from work and really unwind.

A home shouldn't be a place where endless fights occur over little things, disrupting every family member and causing more stress. A home shouldn't be a place where one fears to return to each night, it should be a place where everyone has an excitement to return to because that home holds the people they care about the most and the best memories. A place where they can be themselves and breath in relief.

However, how happy a home is really depends on the effort the family in the home puts in. Don't you agree?

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Always waiting
Thursday, May 8, 2014 @ 2:18 PM

People wait and wait, a stream of endless waiting, endless longing, endless paths of waiting. It's funny isn't it how when it's Monday people wait for Friday. They keep telling themselves repetitively to hang in there, to keep fighting, keep struggling to keep afloat in the water until Friday comes. Friday comes at last but the freedom and happiness only lasts for two days and then the cycle begins all over again. So what is the point of waiting for a certain day, a certain season, a certain emotion in life. 

People I feel are simplistic like that. They are easily satisfied with even if it's only a few days of happiness. They want to always grab onto the now, the present and make as many happy memories as possible before it passes by and then the cycle of waiting begins again. 

We are always waiting, waiting for the impossible in love, waiting for the impossible to happen, waiting for days off, for summer to arrive. Life is a journey of endless waiting itself, won't you agree?  Waiting for the right person, right friends, right season, and then we grasp onto the short amount of time we have with it and then wait for it to come around again. 

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Your Rejection May Be A Lifelong Regret
Sunday, April 20, 2014 @ 5:53 PM

Before you choose to reject someone, you best consider all the possible outcomes that may occur and the effect it'll have in the future. Because the person you may be rejecting, may be the person who you can spend your entire life with and give your everything to. The person who knows you better than you know yourself, sees you clearer than yourself and you can see them in that same way. Two people who has shared a deep bond and connection that can't be easily severed. 

However, it may be the timing is wrong, or because of doubts or uncertainty, we may waver and reject the person. Or it may be having tried to persuade them to change their views, change their way in life, in all hopes for the better, but it turns out in vain. Either way...because of a moment of confusion or whatever the case may be, we choose to reject. 

Because we've rejected them, it becomes a regret that we will sigh back on and reminisce deeply, three, five, ten years from now perhaps. A scar that will remind you each day of the consequence of your decision. 

However, like the quote above, I too share a similar experience, been rejected, been shoved away, but I still open my heart to others who need anything. That's how big a heart that has been ran over and been through too much can hold and endure. Unlimited compassion for dear friends and even if its just meeting people for the first time, my heart is open to those in need, anytime because I know how lonely it can get sometimes too well.

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To see if hearts will still sense each other...
Sunday, April 13, 2014 @ 5:29 PM

One of my best friends chose to disconnect and take a break from the net recently. I envy him because as a writer I cannot imagine living without my ipod, my phone, my laptop because I must feel inspired at anytime when I am writing. However, that may only be my own excuses who knows. I hope from here that no matter what he is doing now that he is well and at peace. :). Do you hear that Jamie?! >: O.

Jams and I have been friends for a long time. I would never forget how we met and how it went from there. It's been several years and though we've had our ups and downs in the beginning and nearly lost what we shared, we still managed to reconnect with each other. We only talk on skype, but usually we email each other a lot and sometimes we write letters and mail them to each other. We talk of everything and have a lot in common. It's not easy to find someone to be able to be friends like we are.

I find that you don't need too many friends, like some people have over a thousand friends on facebook. But how many do you really talk to and how many are really your friends? Not too many I suppose. I am not afraid to say that I have only four or five close friends that have we have really gone through rough patches in life together, watched each other get scrapped and survived.

Friends are not only meant to be there when you are flourishing in success but also when you are in a difficult time in life. Those who never leave or disappear in times of need and glory are true friends. They are the ones who can enjoy the sweetness and bitterness of life with you.

Heart to heart conversations are not easy to have anymore. But with Jamie and the few other close friends I is possible. I am always thinking of them every day despite not talking to them much or like Jamie, chosen to step back from the net for a few days. It feels kinda lonely and disconnected from them but I believe that my heart can connect with him, its with him even though we aren't talking because it's hard to explain but I can just have that feeling.

The feeling that I can feel him on the other side of the world working on his path and life. I only hope each day for him goes well and he is making progress. He keeps hanging in there. That goes for my other friends as well. Always.

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Found this interesting quote
Saturday, April 12, 2014 @ 5:44 PM

"How do you know when it's over?
Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you." ~ Unknown book or author. 

Today I found this interesting quote on However, there was no book title nor author indicated or tagged by the uploader. Sadly, I am rather disappointed because I would want to read this book and know what it is about. Really strong writing right there to me at least and I feel that everyone could relate to this quote. That is why I wanted to write about this today after work. 

I feel this doesn't only mean when you know when a relationship is on the verge of ending but also on other levels too. Many of the times people tend to force a person who they love one-sided to be fantasized into this perfect figure in their mind. Sudden actions from that person, whether its acts of kindness, friendliness or whatever the case may be. We try to cling on so tightly to  memories that may not mean much to the person you love whether they know your feelings or not and twist those acts into something more. Because we want to grasp onto someone or something, to feel loved, to feel belonging to someone or somewhere. 

But what if when that person you claim you love is standing before you, but they are completely doing something you disapprove, against, hate, or whatever the case maybe, or they did something horrible that caused you so much pain. Like the person you fantasized, the person you thought you knew is not what you imagined? 

You've fallen in love with your own fantasized person, you lose sight of the person you see in front of you, the person in front of you may be like a complete stranger compared to what you imagined them to be. If only the person, we all fantasized, twist to fit our dream guy or girl can become a real person, how amazing would that be right? But life isn't perfect and the perfect image of your fantasized other half may not always be what it seems? 

This quote also holds the meaning that people are never what they seem. They change, they can become ugly, cruel, cold. It can be events that happen to cause them to change and they have no one to release it on and choose you or they've been a really good actor, or this is how far two people may go on the same path. We may choose to cling onto the happy memories of the old, happy days rather than accept the person before us now. It's a frightening process and event but I wouldn't want to ever experience this x.x

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