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Your Rejection May Be A Lifelong Regret
Sunday, April 20, 2014 @ 5:53 PM


Before you choose to reject someone, you best consider all the possible outcomes that may occur and the effect it'll have in the future. Because the person you may be rejecting, may be the person who you can spend your entire life with and give your everything to. The person who knows you better than you know yourself, sees you clearer than yourself and you can see them in that same way. Two people who has shared a deep bond and connection that can't be easily severed. 

However, it may be the timing is wrong, or because of doubts or uncertainty, we may waver and reject the person. Or it may be having tried to persuade them to change their views, change their way in life, in all hopes for the better, but it turns out in vain. Either way...because of a moment of confusion or whatever the case may be, we choose to reject. 

Because we've rejected them, it becomes a regret that we will sigh back on and reminisce deeply, three, five, ten years from now perhaps. A scar that will remind you each day of the consequence of your decision. 

However, like the quote above, I too share a similar experience, been rejected, been shoved away, but I still open my heart to others who need anything. That's how big a heart that has been ran over and been through too much can hold and endure. Unlimited compassion for dear friends and even if its just meeting people for the first time, my heart is open to those in need, anytime because I know how lonely it can get sometimes too well.

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To see if hearts will still sense each other...
Sunday, April 13, 2014 @ 5:29 PM




One of my best friends chose to disconnect and take a break from the net recently. I envy him because as a writer I cannot imagine living without my ipod, my phone, my laptop because I must feel inspired at anytime when I am writing. However, that may only be my own excuses who knows. I hope from here that no matter what he is doing now that he is well and at peace. :). Do you hear that Jamie?! >: O.

Jams and I have been friends for a long time. I would never forget how we met and how it went from there. It's been several years and though we've had our ups and downs in the beginning and nearly lost what we shared, we still managed to reconnect with each other. We only talk on skype, but usually we email each other a lot and sometimes we write letters and mail them to each other. We talk of everything and have a lot in common. It's not easy to find someone to be able to be friends like we are.

I find that you don't need too many friends, like some people have over a thousand friends on facebook. But how many do you really talk to and how many are really your friends? Not too many I suppose. I am not afraid to say that I have only four or five close friends that have we have really gone through rough patches in life together, watched each other get scrapped and survived.

Friends are not only meant to be there when you are flourishing in success but also when you are in a difficult time in life. Those who never leave or disappear in times of need and glory are true friends. They are the ones who can enjoy the sweetness and bitterness of life with you.

Heart to heart conversations are not easy to have anymore. But with Jamie and the few other close friends I have....it is possible. I am always thinking of them every day despite not talking to them much or like Jamie, chosen to step back from the net for a few days. It feels kinda lonely and disconnected from them but I believe that my heart can connect with him, its with him even though we aren't talking because it's hard to explain but I can just have that feeling.

The feeling that I can feel him on the other side of the world working on his path and life. I only hope each day for him goes well and he is making progress. He keeps hanging in there. That goes for my other friends as well. Always.

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Found this interesting quote
Saturday, April 12, 2014 @ 5:44 PM




"How do you know when it's over?
Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you." ~ Unknown book or author. 

Today I found this interesting quote on weheartit.com. However, there was no book title nor author indicated or tagged by the uploader. Sadly, I am rather disappointed because I would want to read this book and know what it is about. Really strong writing right there to me at least and I feel that everyone could relate to this quote. That is why I wanted to write about this today after work. 

I feel this doesn't only mean when you know when a relationship is on the verge of ending but also on other levels too. Many of the times people tend to force a person who they love one-sided to be fantasized into this perfect figure in their mind. Sudden actions from that person, whether its acts of kindness, friendliness or whatever the case may be. We try to cling on so tightly to  memories that may not mean much to the person you love whether they know your feelings or not and twist those acts into something more. Because we want to grasp onto someone or something, to feel loved, to feel belonging to someone or somewhere. 

But what if when that person you claim you love is standing before you, but they are completely doing something you disapprove, against, hate, or whatever the case maybe, or they did something horrible that caused you so much pain. Like the person you fantasized, the person you thought you knew is not what you imagined? 

You've fallen in love with your own fantasized person, you lose sight of the person you see in front of you, the person in front of you may be like a complete stranger compared to what you imagined them to be. If only the person, we all fantasized, twist to fit our dream guy or girl can become a real person, how amazing would that be right? But life isn't perfect and the perfect image of your fantasized other half may not always be what it seems? 

This quote also holds the meaning that people are never what they seem. They change, they can become ugly, cruel, cold. It can be events that happen to cause them to change and they have no one to release it on and choose you or they've been a really good actor, or this is how far two people may go on the same path. We may choose to cling onto the happy memories of the old, happy days rather than accept the person before us now. It's a frightening process and event but I wouldn't want to ever experience this x.x

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Dangling....
Monday, April 7, 2014 @ 5:10 PM



Sorry everyone for the disappearance and lack of blog posts. I cannot find a good way to explain what has happened to me during these past few months. A few sentences could describe what I've been through and that would be...Life is unpredictable, in these few short months of time. I lost a dearly relative that I loved deeply and everything was turned upside down for me. I lost my job...went unemployment for months, got lost, pawed around to find my way again, now I have a job again but lost the last relative I relative I truly respected. There were gains and losses I guess it all depends on how I choose to see them. 

Today while I was sitting on the bus on my way home from work. I sat in a seat where my feet were off the ground by a feet or two. Yes, I am not the tallest person in the world but certainly not the shortest either! Though I feel horribly short at work....anyways. While my feet were dangling in the air, I felt that humans have never really thought more deeply about how mysterious it felt to have their feet leave solid ground like physically.

When you're in a plane, you have the floor of the place under your feet, when you're in the car, same thing. However, when you're on a swing, sitting off the edge of the building, or whatever the cause may be. You never felt so free....so weightless, swinging your legs through the empty air. I wondered if spirits felt the same way, weightless, free, let go of control or worry of where your legs are swinging to. 

Come to think of it...we as humans are always dangling off of life aren't we? Struggling to hold onto something to find somewhere to belong to. We are always dangling off of life, of work, of whatever the case may be.

Isn't that true? Unable to truly grasp onto something and be secured, we'll always let our grip slip and we'll fall. 


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Today We had our first snow of winter
Monday, November 25, 2013 @ 12:59 PM


Today Chicago had it's first snowfall of the winter season. Like real snow without rain mixed with snow to make it be like slush. It is like solidified winter! I love snow and just watching it fall from the skies just make it seem like feathers of angels that are falling. Angels that take flight as loose wings break loose from their wings by the force. Let it snow endlessly!

As snow falls downward, we as humans want to let lanterns that carry our life and holiday wishes to the skies. I do wonder how many of these lanterns will reach the higher beings and be granted. A million tiny lights soaring up to the night sky, carrying our wishes, our dreams, our hidden emotions, will they be heard?

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Does Anyone Still Remember?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013 @ 5:54 PM


I have been talking to a friend about some old shows and how good the shows used to be back like 10+ years ago. They weren't as dark and crazy but rather always trying to get a laugh out of the audience no matter what kind of show it was. The shows nowadays aren't bad, they're good but most are just a bit too dark, too heavy, too violent. We see how that effects the next generation doesn't it? A show that I grew up with is Friends! How many of you guys remember that show?

Whenever, it turned 6 o'clock at night, I sat myself in front of that TV and watched it for that precious half hour every single day. The best thing about that was always after Friends, came a family show called Everybody Loves Raymond. I loved that show so much and it was too hilarious to not love! Raymond is like the husband with no backbone and I would never live across the street from the in laws. Total nightmare. Good days, good memories, warm family feeling, good laugh after a hard day at school, after being yelled at my mother. 

I wished they would do a ton of reruns of those two shows. I would be the happiest girl alive! 

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I've Made a decision that I may regret but it's too late
Wednesday, November 13, 2013 @ 3:31 PM


Sorry for not posting for some time on here. A lot has happened and I haven't been able to have much time to check blogs. Recently, I've made a decision that I may soon come to regret. Sometimes I wonder why I am always making choices too quickly, but it wasn't decided rashly, not when your mother is buzzing at your ear side for hours a day. 

I've decided and have registered for an EMT class that will start in January of next year. Those who know me will be like 'what the heck? Are you out of your mind?' But, yeah I wanna yell like that at myself too. I dunno, lately, I've been thinking---everyday like is this a job I want to do? A girl who cries help at math and science for the last 13+ schooling years in her life? It's a very honorable job to have, an injured person's life is in your hands as first responder. 

However, I do remember how much fun and interesting it was to take that college biology class at my old college. I really enjoyed reading about the different syndromes and genetic illnesses and learning so many things I could use in reality. I aced that class with 98%...the professor's exams weren't that hard but this is different. However, I am not afraid if I don't have time or anything but if I can face those bleeding people with calmness. I find it interesting and looking at those pictures do not frighten me, maybe its my own psychological state that might hinder me. 

I have also been thinking about this on a more deeper level about karma, my mother once said that I have to do a lot of good in order for myself to have a good future and life. This job does just that and I am willing to give it my all in the spring. Please root for me. :) 

As the picture I chose for today says, stay positive and I believe even the worst will come to be past. Isn't that right, +Jamie Raindle ? :P You too +Jamie Raindle please stay positive in your training and positive in what you know of your past. :) Let's root for each other! ^^/ That goes for everyone out there as well, always strive to stay positive even if you know you can't. 

~Jae



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