Friday, July 31, 2015

Ego and Nature

The simplest way to define ego is but with one sentence. Our ego is the sense of our own values and importance.  In religious terms it can also mean as the false sense of self as separate from others and God. In other words ego in my opinion is also how much confidence one holds and the way they hold themselves around others. Ever since I was made aware of Freudian thoughts in school, I fell in love in Freud’s findings and theories of psychoanalysis such as the ego diagram he created of people.

People are all self-centered and think of themselves too highly at some point in their lives. It can be when they finally acquired that college degree, become some acclaimed lawyer, doctor, or reached an executive position in some major company.  However, I feel this doesn’t always happen during adulthood but also as children such as if a child is born into a fairly well off family or the heir to millions or a company their parents are CEOs of. The comfortable environment and circumstances they live in just fills them to the overfilling point of high self-confidence, huge egos, and see no one but themselves. When people attain a certain amount of fortune, power, authority, adequate lifestyle, they eventually allow their egos to take over their good judgment and forget how they once were or those who are not as fortunate. 

Fortune gives birth to greed. Power gives birth to ambition. Authority gives birth to confidence. Intelligence gives birth to concede. All this factors brew one’s ego sometimes without their awareness and sometimes they are aware and yet still choose to continue on that path because their ego encourages that they are doing the right thing and it makes them feel good!

Having a huge ego is not a bad thing. However, I feel that if you’re ego becomes so huge that you can ignore the cries for help from others, see the kindness of others as a plot to gain something, to think of yourselves higher than those who are less accomplished, to see no one but your own wants and desires, to believe that your opinions are right and others are wrong, to refuse to listen and accept the advice of others, then I ask how are you still considered a human? If your ego is so huge, that when you see a helpless animal or homeless people on the street yet do nothing. When you see an elderly person having trouble and refuse to help. Then what kind of person are you?

My aunt once told me to never think too highly of myself regardless of how smart I am or how acclaimed I may become. Because you may be high and mighty, but never forget there is another mountain that is higher than yours. You cannot turn a blind eye or underestimate those who are lesser than you in accomplishments or where they are in life. There are things to learn from them. Do not think because you are professional worker in a big firm or company that you are the best. Sometimes there is someone who is better than you in terms of personality trait, morality, dignity, and intelligence yet just were less fortunate and didn’t have the necessary finance to go to college. Keep an open heart and mind. Many things are able to be self-taught and don’t require a degree, any subject can be self-taught other than science and law fields. I don’t believe there is any subject in the world that can’t be self-taught; however, that is a topic for another day.

Many people believe they are not apart of nature and are greater than animals. I feel that is wrong because we evolved from monkeys through millions of years. How can we say that we are separate from nature? How can we claim we are any different from a dog of cat? We desire a good home, we desire to keep our stomachs full, we desire to be happy, we desire to be praised and loved, we desire to have children and we fight with others. How different is that from animals?

I have like literally no ego. I never think of myself greater, better, or higher than anyone. Even if given with authority and leadership, I’ve never spoken to anyone in a tone or manner that makes them seem any less or lower than I. Everyone is equal to me regardless of high or low positions. I love animals and feel most comfortable with nature. Nature is enormous and limitless compared to one person standing in the opened face of nature before them.

Please leave comments or discussion topics!

Monday, July 27, 2015

Why I like historical series more than modern ones

I’ve always had a liking for period dramas more than modern ones for some reason. Maybe it may be the first television series I was introduced to as a child were historical dramas about ancient china such as: Art of War, Three kingdoms of Romance, The Golden Era of Tang, etc. I grew a huge love for the conspiracies, plots, the amped storyline and danger around every corner and the battle of intelligence and wits and the power of silence and inner worlds of those historical figures. Most of though—I loved the chivalry men lived by and the virtue women protected and the intelligence men and women alike held. The love that was not selfish but selfless, honor and dignity that meant more than their own lives.

I am not saying I don’t love modern series like: Criminal Minds, Bones, Law and Order, NCIS, CSI, Hannibal, Blacklist, Game of Thrones, Dexter, House of Cards, Supernatural, and shows like that. I love suspenseful and gruesome shows but that’s all I like. I don’t give much care to comedy or other genres. I did love Friends, Charmed, and Everybody loves Raymond. Those are my old classic favorites. 

There has always been an air of elegance and sophistication about period dramas that I’ve always loved and their clothing and way they speak on television and in novels. History is just so serious and so amped and complicated that it just makes me thirst for more. I love picking apart the details and watch and read about the battle of wits and the dark secrets court officers hide and the power struggle. It seems so realistic and mirrors how modern society is in big companies and governments.

Some may say period dramas, historical documentaries are boring but I love watching those and reading about them. History is a crucial part of us and if we don’t know history then history is doomed to repeat itself as it already is with how the stately affairs across the country are right now and beyond. I also love the infrastructures of historical dramas and I love horse riding so period dramas have a special place in my heart.

Women are skilled in the arts of mothering, chess, music, art, books, handiwork, and cooking. While men were skilled in books, military tactics, self-defense, art, music, chess, building, and had hearts only for progression and lived by chivalry. How I wish such a way of living were possible now, to be able to ride under an open sky with a companion and share each other’s poetry, wits, and compose music together.

Not only those points but also I felt that people back then cared and valued bonds that they shared much more than people do now.

About modern dramas- I don’t much favor them unless they are similar to the ones I’ve mentioned above because some of them are very sexual and I am not comfortable with that. Women throw themselves at men recklessly and love seems to be a rollercoaster like ride rather than remaining devoted to one man. The same thing goes around for men alike.

And that’s the end of that! Many may argue and disagree with my view so feel free to discuss or comment. :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Writers 101: Show, Don't Tell

Show and don’t tell has always been many writers’ nightmare and constant struggle that they find it difficult to get a good grip on. Many writers I’ve spoken to have this problem or problem with writing good descriptive scenes.

Children that found their passion in writing and reading at a young age tend to announce they will become the next world acclaimed author when they grow up and some tend to only keep it as a side job when they grow up. Children are very innocent and have simplistic minds. Who hasn’t thought that writing the next big hit like Game of Thrones or Harry Potter would be a piece of cake when they were at the age of ten? Children boast because they had no idea how hard it really is. I never thought it was going to be easy from creating the skeleton of a novel to laying out settings, characters, descriptions, scenes, climaxes, plots, and so forth takes a ton of time and attention. It’s similar to creating a newborn baby by pen.

I went to school for creative writing, and professors have always said there is no rule that can’t be broken and bent to your liking while writing a novel.  That is the fun part about creative writing. Taking out those annoying commas, using more than one period to indicate a pause or hesitating moment, and writing short sentences to build the suspense. It all seems so ideal and easy and an adventurous journey, right? But it isn’t once professors and peers lecture you over and over again about one rule: show and don’t tell.

I have a tendency of telling the inner thoughts of characters rather than using actions and movements to show that to readers in my writing. I don’t know if this has something to do with how I was raised or the type of person that I am. A deep thinker person, good observer with few words and that reflects in most of my characters as well. I feel it’s a constant struggle between how we are on the outside and how we are inside our own little worlds. I believe that everyone spends more time with their inner thoughts rather than interaction with others or it may just be me. I’ll just say I view inner thoughts and sub consciousness more important than physical interaction slightly.

However, as writers we can’t forget that we have an audience as the judge of our final projects. We have to make the readers sympathize and feel rather than to be told what to feel or what to think of a scene or character. Readers make their conclusions through the motives of characters, the power of scenes, and tones of a character about a book. Expositions and inner thoughts/worlds only become a small portion of that in a novel. We have to keep the story moving and keep readers captured in our worlds. Sometimes I forget this sadly. That’s what makes novels so magical and gives it the power to pull a reader in right away depending on how well written the piece is.

I must give many thanks to Carmen Sisson for her tips and advise when I went on Quora to ask for some feedback and tips for the direction of where my novel was going. Many thanks to her and I hope my little rant here has helped fellow writers a little if not a lot.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Different Types of Persistence

An amount of time has gone by since my experience with someone I sincerely like. I must say that even though I have received his answer…my feelings for him has not grown any faint, any less, any weaker but it’s only grown stronger. I know that I shouldn’t have developed feelings for him because our positions, but the more I tried to forget and let go—the harder it has become to let go. I don’t plan on letting him know that I am still stuck on him. I don’t want anything from him yet I can’t control my persistence and can’t control myself from liking him.

Why must I try and fight the feeling and my own heart then? Why trouble myself each day over the feelings that should have never developed for him? I can’t change what has occurred and can’t run from it.  I have decided to place this amount of affection and feelings for him and hide it deeply in my heart. I won’t trouble it with him again or trouble myself. I have decided to treasure every experience and interaction with him and hold onto those memories. This is the natural order of how all things in life should be. I don’t want anything anymore but just to be near him and hope that what I have now with him won’t change.

Here is a Chinese proverb, which I love:

Take things as they come.

The more you try to avoid something, the more likely you will come into contact with that thing. The more you want something/chase after something, the further it will get.

This has been my mindset for several months. This is very the best and I find myself happier this way. I feel that he is more comfortable and happier this way as well. That’s a good thing for both sides and those around us, right? I’ve always had this mindset but whenever it comes to love and relationships…I always become a bundle of confusion and tangled strings. But I won’t again. If I won’t ever get over him, I am fine with that. I wish for nothing but only for the moments and memories I can have with him. That is the way I have always been but at some point—possibly my persistence got out of hand and it turned me into someone I no longer recognized. I seemed foreign to myself. I won’t make that same mistake again.

I hope that everyone who is suffering from relationship problems, family problems, friend problems, whatever it may be, to remember these proverbs and to not expect anything from anyone or force things to go your way. Just be happy that they appeared in your life and treasure the memories you can have with them. Enjoy their company and let them enjoy your company as well. What will happen will even if it takes a long time and what doesn’t…don’t persist in it but just place your feelings inside your heart and follow the natural order. Because persistence will just push what you want further away, do you wish for what you want to be further from your reach than it already is? Take things as they come and let things be as they are. Everything has a natural path that has to be followed.

I’ve recently had a talk with a friend about how the situation we both experienced of our feelings. I told them that if it feels right but it’s didn’t turn out the way you wanted and letting go feels wrong then choose to persist in holding on. I won’t let go and remember the good memories and the good brought to me. It’s my own persistence and I am not doing anything or bothering anyone just holding onto what feels so right. I do realize this goes against the proverbs I’ve mentioned but living each day and just holding onto the good memories, experiences shared are enough and it gives me strength to keep moving forward.

I do believe there are different types of persistent behaviors ranging from where you persist outwardly such as stalking, calling people and leaving creep messages, blackmailing, threats, and so forth. We then have the second type of persistence, which is the type that harms no one. It’s a peaceful and quiet type where only one side persists and doesn’t do any outwardly actions to bother them or push them further away. You don’t seek anything in return and don’t wish for anything. Think of it as “just allowing me to dwell on it by myself. I won’t bother you or disrupt you again.” So I dare to argue that proverb is too broad.  

I’ll let you guys sit on this! Good day!

Friday, June 19, 2015

Happy Early Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all that are fathers, have fathers, and whose fathers are no longer alive.

Father’s day has always been a day where it’s very mellow and depressing for me. I’ve celebrated it for twenty-four years without a father in my life. My dad passed away when I was only two—it’s not something that I am afraid to tell others when I am asked but it does spark up a mass amount of sadness from deep within me. I never got to know my dad nor had the chance to know what having a dad felt like. I have fantasized what it was like to have a father ever since I was old enough to know my dad was gone and would never come back no matter how many wishes I made to stars at night or how much I prayed. I used to be so envious of my classmates and friends when their dads came to pick them up from school, so envious when I walked by parks and saw kids playing with their dads.

I don’t even have enough memories with him to even recall his voice. Maybe I have heard of his voice but I can’t remember it at all. I never knew how it felt like to be protected by a dad or being taught by a dad about life. It’s something I felt I missed out on greatly but because I had no father is what turned me into an even stronger person. What I’ve always told myself is my dad is always with me though I cannot see him. I know he loved me very much from stories my aunt used to tell me and that he was a great man who sacrificed several years in prison for something his older brother did. In my heart, my unclear memories, and the chips and pieces I’ve gathered, I can proudly say he was a great man and a hero.

All I have of him is of what others have told me along with the few pictures I collected of him. I selfishly wish that if there is a next life or an afterlife, I wish to be able to meet him and finally be able to make memories with him. I used to wonder if he still remembered me or had he already reincarnated as another person and is living a good life. I wish the best for his spirit each day no matter where he is and I know he wished the same for me as well as my aunt once told me.

Being able to have a father is a great gift…having a dad to teach you how to play ball and to take you fishing and do all sorts of fun stuff that a mother can’t do. Having a dad to protect you from bullies and a dad to protect you when your mother is scorning is a blessing. How I wish I could have a chance to experience that but I couldn’t. I wish everyone whose fathers are still alive and well or who are fathers to spend all of your time with your loved ones and hold them tight. Because life is unpredictable, we don’t know what can happen in the next hour. Please leave your loved ones with even more memories and love and express your love to your fathers as well.

Don’t take your fathers for granted. Even if they aren’t the best dads, they are still your father and I don’t believe there is any amount of hate, anger, or grudges that you cannot be let go and forgive them for. Grudges, bad memories, hate, anger,  whatever bad emotions you harbor for your fathers should be let go of, forgive them, and accept them for the way they are and love them.

Happy Father’s Day everyone!