Friday, March 25, 2016

Fiction Can Be so Frighteningly Real

I came across a Korean drama called: Descendants of The Sun. You can read the summary here: . I am not usually a big fan of Korean dramas. I think they're a bit vague and it's the same story every single time, the topics are the same, and the endings are always so heartbreaking. I just feel Korean dramas rarely have a sweet ending...the ones I come across anyways.

I hate tragic endings and there have been dramas where even the main leads all die. Something is seriously wrong with Korean dramas.

This drama caught my attention because the second couple seemed to have such amazing chemistry on screen. Seo Dae Young and Yoon Myung Joo. They reminded me of me and a coworker that I have intense feelings for. I'll just summarize how their relationship is.

Basically this guy is often so detached and distant to this girl. He is always so cold towards her and then there are moments where he's so warm-hearted towards her. He cares for her a lot but he rarely allows it to show. He's a really cautious guy and her father disapproves of him greatly as the father had his eyes on someone else as a potential son-in-law. This girl is so relentless and knows what she wants and persists until she gets it which in this case is him. She calls him. He never answers. She texts him...he never replies. He knows it is her and knows he can't be with her. However, she is so full of joy and shines so bright even if it's only his voice that she hears. She just wants to be near him even if he refuses to show any true emotion.

She called him one time and he didn't pick up and she apologized for not always being there for him, for not holding his hand enough, for not hugging him enough but she also said she wished that he would just hold her hand and hug her later on in a different episode. Then there was one episode where he finally answered her call but didn't say anything and just listened to her

And in one of the latest episodes...where the girl was in the midst of an earthquake, this guy finally got his wake up call. The girl asked him how he would have felt if she was not alright after what happened. The guy refused to answer at first but then he stated that he would have regretted all the times he tried to run away from her. And she asked if he was just going to stand there like that. And he just embraced her in a hug.

I was like 'awwwww...!'

This guy at work is exactly the same. He's so close sometimes and then there are days or a short period of time where he just distances himself from me. There's no physical playing around or much goofing off verbally. I feel he's in a constant inner struggle with himself. It frustrates me. I ask myself many times of why he does certain things when he knows I will dwell on it for days and days. And then he doesn't do anything a period of time and it leaves me so sad and confused and dwelling on what the heck is he thinking.

Fiction is frighteningly real....and it is so relatable this time to me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Friday, February 19, 2016

In Memory of Harper Lee

US author Harper Lee dies aged 89:

I was running around on errands and pulled out my phone to check something when I saw a BBC breaking news notification and saw that 'Harper Lee dies aged 89'. My brain went blank for several moments at this news. It is always tragic when you learn the death of family members and those you admired, respected, or inspired you. It just feels like something was ripped from your chest and you lost something irreplaceable. Another thought that popped into my head was what is with all the deaths of famous creative people such as: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee to name a few. This is just a random thought that I have right now and that is:  'the older generation passes on their legacy to the younger in hopes that new legacies will rise from the ashes of those gone.' ~Ann. In a depressing point of view, the heavens are cruel to end the lives of these legacies but everyday a new one will rise or so we all hope but can never replace those before them. Sorry for digressing!

I remember I was in sixth grade or fifth grade when our english teacher introduced us to To Kill A Mockingbird. None of us knew what it was about and many of us found it boring and confusing for that age. However, we did manage to understand the book with in class readings and discussions and our love for the book grew tremendously. In my personal opinion, this book opened my eyes and mind to justice and racism. I caught onto the book's deeper meaning quick and it pained me as we were closer to the end of the book. It's a book everyone should read and at an early age too because it will open your eyes and mind to what is still happening now in the world. Prejudice based on class, social standing, cruelty, to not prosecute those who've done no wrong, and the inevitableness of fate. 

I reflected that the title of the book means to kill the innocent which was Tom Robinson. Mockingbirds are harmless birds and yet they get killed by poachers and other reasons. It is a sad fate and cannot be changed. 

The quote I included above is my favorite quote from the book and when I always try to do on a daily basis no matter how difficult the day. You cannot claim to know someone until you see things from their point of view and be in their shoes. This quote strongly emphasizes discrimination and to not discriminate or be prejudice about others for any reason. It's not a surprise of how strongly To Kill A Mockingbird reflects society during the time it was written and published. My love for this book has no ends. It shaped me as a person too. 

I have not read Go Set A Watchman yet. I have heard mixed reviews and I don't want any of my characters ruined. 

I love this quote from Harper Lee herself. You guys should all remember this quote and keep it at heart. Rest in Peace, Harper Lee! I will never forget the characters you created and the books you wrote. You were truly an amazing writer and will never be forgotten for the lives you influenced and changed and the minds you put to work after reading your books. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

Life and Age

(I chose to use this picture because this is a new series I am watching and because I was just captivated by how amazing the effects and angle this scene was captured at. It shows a sense of age and how age changes a person through the span of forty years supposedly.)

Age is a number. It’s a number we don’t have to think of when asked or when we just want people to know. It’s meaningless. It doesn’t start carrying any weight or meaning until you open your mind and share what your values and mindsets are as a person. It doesn’t start carrying weight until you are aware that younger people than you are going through what you went through months, years, or even decades ago. You’ve been there. You’ve fallen and made mistakes that can’t be reversed and have the experience to teach others and warn them and protect them before they make similar mistakes.

Age also is such a powerful expresser of vitality and the cruelty of time. Life and age are both tightly knotted together and cannot be separated no matter what happens. Life forces us to grow and change. Age proves we’ve experienced too much that sometimes what we want to tell can never be finished or we can’t find words to describe how we feel. I find it so fascinating and just wanted to blog about this.

When we were young, we are so full of youth and vitality and energy. We speed through our best years of childhood and teen years in a jog. We are so innocent and have little to no worry about responsibility or anything else other than friends, school, and family. Emotions are shown freely. We cry freely and laugh freely and whine freely no matter if it’s at home or in public without holding back. This is a time of experiencing a lot of things for the first time with brimming anxiety and thirst for adventure. We were all hotheaded and stubborn and following our hearts to wherever it wanted to lead us to. We are filled to the brim with impatience. We were full of determination to chase after what we wanted and thought about consequences after. Learning what responsibility meant comes after a few bumps and scratches. Learning self-control through time.

When we reach mid-age, we have lost our youth and some of our energy. Our speed has slowed down by half and no longer see a need to catch up to anyone or run as we once needed to. We no longer have such a fiery desire to win in everything. We have seen our share of life from break-ups, to relationships, to different jobs, to meeting different people, to knowing who our true friends are, and learning how to it was for our parents to take care of an entire family. Many things in our eyes have changed its importance and we no longer feel as strongly as we did when in our youth. We start thinking of how silly we were only years ago and how much weight that lies on our shoulders. And how weary we’ve grown of the game of life. We learn that we won’t always get what we want and there are some dreams that can never come true. And sometimes what we settle for regardless if it is more or less of what we are satisfied with matters little as long as we did our best. To enjoy the failures, the successes, and the journey overall was most important.

When we’ve reached old age, all our youthful vitality is gone and energy levels are no longer what it once was long ago. We no longer have the energy to run and choose to just walk slowly and peacefully through old age. All those we love have either left us or have families of their own to take care of. We see everything with rarely any importance anymore. Our mind is at a state of calmness and peace. We feel that our work is done and we no longer have to compete ro fight with anyone for anything anymore. There are only the memories of the good days and years that accompany us through each day. The people that can no longer come back, the people who’ve we haven’t heard from in a long time, and the people made a difference in our lives will never be forgotten remain fresh in memory each day. We have a heart and mindset as clear as the purest water without a hint of dust. We are filled with nothing but compassion and love. The one thing we may have left in our hearts by this point is probably regret. Regret of not saying something to someone years ago or letting opportunities pass us by because of our own insecurities and morals as a person. Old age is a time of reflection on one’s own life to be put simply and if possible to make wrongs right.

This is how I see the three stages of our lives. No one has to agree but I thought it would be fun to share.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Reflection On Article: Intermarriage 'major risk factor' in Peterborough child deaths

I came across this article and it's just so tragic to read about. Children are so precious and bright and shouldn't die at such a young age when they've barely gotten to see much of the world yet. Children are suffering because of their parents' actions. The reason of death was due to congenital abnormalities. 

Experts say that it is because of 'culture condition' that these tragedies happen to children. First cousins marrying each other and so on. 

In most Asian cultures, this is a very big deal because they absolutely reject the idea of marriage between first cousins and even if two people are completely unrelated but have the same last name are not allowed to marry each other.  It's a very big deal and you could be disowned for committing such 'disgraceful crimes'. 

I know if we are to look at this from a scientific view then there is a pile of scientific reasonings that make sense of why those abnormalities happened and has nothing to do with culture. However, I have to say that I am someone that has witnessed this in my family. Two of my first cousins married each other despite the disapprovals of the entire family. They'd tried to keep the two apart and keeping them apart was worser than keeping them together. I can't help but feel that it is because of karma and fate that pulled those two together. They got married and had a son and that son is already an adult but mentally he is unstable and has many mental conditions. His parents are now spending their lifetime in the countryside, protecting their son for the rest of their lives. 

Many people don't take this seriously and think: 'oh this won't happen to us. I see nothing wrong with marrying my cousin.' But I feel they just think of themselves too highly. Anything can happen and we shouldn't be so selfish as in taking the risk and ignoring the inhuman fact that we are indirectly killing a child if that child dies. 

In the article, it says that intermarriage happens more frequently in the Middle East and what drives these marriages is being able to maintain lands and property through extended family. It pains me to see that in order to preserve unsubstantial things like property...people will go to any lengths including risking the lives and health of their children. I would understand if both parties really loved each other 

It's just property guys. It's just land. A human life is nothing more but a dozen of decades and in the end how much stuff can we really take with us? Nothing. 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Keep Fighting!!!!

"Keep Fighting" has always been a really cliche saying especially in Korean TV dramas. It used to irritate me so much whenever someone said it because it sounded so fake and wrong to me for some reason. However, due to situations in my life right now. I feel that any words of encouragement means so much to me and whether they are cliche or not does not matter. When a person reaches a point in life where they feel as if they're in a corner, any type of warmth, kindness, encouragement is priceless to them. 

Does this mean I'll be saying the phrase 'keep fighting' to everyone for the smallest reasons? No. 
I want to go on a little 'Keep Fighting' rant on here for everything that is going on in the world and in everyone's life. 

Keep fighting each day to do your best at school, at work, at your dreams. It doesn't matter if it's something that you don't like to do or am tired of doing. Those things are only temporary and bad days will come to an end. Things you don't like to do yet have to will come to an end and a new beginning will start. The secret is as long as you don't stop fighting each day with all of your strength and refuse to give up or let go. I believe that at the end of the tunnel is a bright light waiting to wrap around you for all you've given up and for all the efforts you put into each day. 

Not everyone likes going to school and doing school work but think of the end result at the of four years, eight years, or more. You'll have gained a lot and be able to hopefully find a good job even though some days, weeks, months may have been horrible but be grateful you never gave up or you would have no reached the light at the end. 

Not everyone likes the job they're in. Some people choose to settle for a job less of what they want. Some people choose to set eyes on the highest job they can find with their experience and educational background. Everyone has different levels of satisfaction and ambitions for what type of work they want to do. We all keep fighting to grasp onto that job and endure all the hardships until we reach the point where we want to be at even if it's a job we hate. It's all an art of fighting we have to keep at to reach that light.

Not everyone can manage to make their dreams become reality especially for creative artists such as writers, musicians, painters, artists, and so forth. I am within this list and it has always been an on and off struggle with me filled with disappointment and weariness. I feel if it is something you love then we should keep fighting for it no matter how many times we get shot down. Look deep within your soul and heart and ask it if this dream is something you want no matter how much hardship you face then keep fighting. Never lose sight of that light that is waiting at the end of the tunnel. 

I feel that with all the unrest, all the violence, all the losses, the pain, the political games going around, and protests...what right do we have say: 'I give up!' or 'I don't want to fight anymore!' over the smallest things? People all around the world have lost homes, lost loved ones, lost children that are no older than five or six due to violence. There are people starving, people who have no jobs, people who are struggling in neck high water to survive so why right do we have to stop fighting when we have things they don't? A little disappointment and rejection should not be enough to make us give in. How many have suffered because of corruption in the government? We all have and we're still all fighting. You think you have a horrible family and past. There is someone out here with an even more difficult family and past than you. Never think you've had it the worst but think of what you can do to keep fighting and pushing forward.

We were given a pair of fragile shoulders at birth and with time they've grown stronger, broader, and firmer than stone as we carry so much on them throughout a lifetime. Please keep fighting under any circumstances and remember to keep your head up, don't forget to be grateful for what you have, and be positive. 


Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Reflection on Artist Yuumei's 'Feel and Conquer'

Photo and copyright belongs to: Yuumei 

Link to her deviantart post: 

I came across this amazing artist's facebook page and then found her on deviantart and she has such an amazing talent and gift in art. I do not know her personally but her artwork called out to me when I first set eyes on her work. It was breathtaking and no words can describe the story behind each piece of work she created. Because of her recent art piece and message included in it, I decided to write this reflection to her piece because her message reminded me of my own life and experiences as well and why I chose a creative field in college. 

I feel that most people who go into the creative field usually suffered some horrible experience in their childhood. It could have been a dysfunctional family, abusive childhood, depression, bullying, or whatever the emotional trauma was. They sought an opening to escape from their reality and many of the times that was burying themselves in drawing, music, writing, etc. Those things offered the safe haven they sought and it turned into a fierce passion and dream to tell their view of the world and life. 

I grew up in a fairly difficult family with a father who passed before I was even three, most of my father's side of the family never approved of my mother and me nonetheless so it was hard to fit in at home. I was an only child which only made it more difficult for myself to come out of a shell in which I had already created around myself to keep me safe from most of the world. All the days at home was usually spent in in the living room since the rest of the house was locked up before my mom left for work. I would be watching TV, or talking to myself, or learning how to sow clothes though that ended badly, or reading. I rarely set foot outside besides going to school and never had friends come over. My passion for writing started when my mom's aggressiveness and bad temper started getting out of control in where she would lash out at me in different ways. I picked up a composition notebook (the black and white ones) and just started writing out my feelings and what happened. Later on I started writing free-styled poetry and then shortly after fan fiction and then my own fiction. Creating fictional worlds and characters to where I could escape to when reality was too hard to deal with. 

So yes, I agree with Yuumei that my medicine and recovery was by experiencing everything and turning that happiness, the fear, the questions, the pain into writing. It was also an opportunity for me see the society for what it really was and for me to understand myself and see where I went wrong and where I was not. A pen is the most powerful weapon. Not even the deadliest gun or bomb can compare to the weight of words from a writer. I also have to thank my mother who thought reading was the best way to learn new things and for me to grow smarter so she bought whatever books I wanted when I was growing up and that only fueled my passion further. 

Writing has always been the best way for me to convey my deepest feelings and thoughts out to the world. It makes me feel so free and unburdened by responsibilities. I feel that whenever I write--I am spreading my wings to its full length and just soar through that clear blue sky. My advice to artists and writers out there regardless if you are just starting your creative career or have been on it for a while...never give up or lose sight of what fuels your passion to draw or write. Yes, critiques and rejection from agents and others of your works may be hard to accept but what they don't understand is how much that piece of work means to you. You know what style is best for you, you know yourself best. Don't try to change your style because of the views of others. You write for yourself and no one else. You write what you want to say to the world. The worlds you create belong to you, the characters you come up with are forever yours, and no one can strip that from you. 

Never give up your passion. :) I never will because if writing was taken from me. I don't know who I will be anymore. My writing defines me as well as art defines artists, I am sure. So let's all do our best!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Living Your Life

I suddenly thought of this today and wanted to share my thoughts on it. What is the first thing that comes into your head when you think of ‘live your lives’? We say it to everyone who seems to be stuck in a certain place or situation too long and we just say it as a way of encouragement for them to get moving.

However, I feel that as encouraging those words are…everyone is different. Not everyone wants to live an exciting life or a life full of adventure and risks. That does mean those people have not tasted the flavors of life or led boring lives with a lack of color. Every life has its own course and it’s own agenda that is usually decided by our own hands and mentality. Some just want a calm and peaceful life with as little obstacles as possible. Some want a life so full of color and vibrancy and drama that that may be the only way they feel important and above everyone else.

Living your life may be as simple as following your dreams of becoming an artist or a mentor to someone. Living your life may be travelling around the entire world or moving to a completely different country. Living your life may be making all the money you can with a great job and living in the big city. Living your life may be as simple as staying close to your parents and immediate family. Living your life may be as simple as working an average job and working towards your passion and dream during free time. Living your life may be as simple as moving to the countryside and spending each day by nature’s side. It all depends on what you want in life as long as it is what you want and are satisfied with then you are living your life to its fullest no matter what others say.

In the past when I told people that I’ve been ready to settle for a few years already, it always aroused shock and disbelief. They’ve always said I was so young and still had my full life in front of me. They asked if I had anything I wanted to do and places to go. Well, everyone is different and I felt that I’ve seen enough of life’s good and bad to know that I am weary and just want to settle down somewhere, someplace in peace. I’ve had too much family drama to really have energy for much else. Yes, I do have places I want to visit but as for everything else….I haven’t really thought about it.

Everyone’s way of living their life is different just as everyone’s life journey and story they tell about themselves is different and that’s what makes each of us special.

My way of living my life is just to write essays, books, articles, blog posts about life and my own experiences and hope my morals and experiences can help others and teach others. I want to be there to help others no matter what to let them know my door is always open and I am always ready to listen. I want to live out on the countryside to be right next to nature every morning, every day, every night. I don’t mind if I have to be a farmer, be away from technology and people. I want that type of life to make life with my own hands, to create characters in perfect or chaotic worlds and tell their stories because their stories are more real and respectable than reality. I want to rise my own livestock and make my own furniture. I want to lead a life so free that I don’t have to be tied down by society’s norms. Maybe I am not suited for this era but that is how I want to live my life to its fullest. A simple an quiet life.

I’ve recently listened to a Chinese song from a TV series that I really loved and I will only translate a few lyrics that fit this moment:



I have long gotten used to coming and going alone
I am more willing to get drunk and wake alone.
Our life journey is a million miles long
And we have never expected for someone to take that journey together.
Between the sky and ground we roam as a longer
That is the most carefree and joyous feeling ever. 

As depressing as this part of the lyrics are, it’s an amazing song and the lyrics are so powerful and speak of what I feel most of the days. I have never really thought of who I want to take that journey with me nor have I expected anyone to.

We all have different levels of satisfaction, of desires, of ambitions, of dreams, of goals, of expectations in life. It all rests in our own life experiences, our hands, our own decisions of how we want to live our lives. So let’s all do our best! As long as we find peace, find joy, find fulfillment in what we’re doing then that’s enough…isn’t it? Don't disapprove of how others plan to live their lives just because it doesn't live up to your expectations and standards.