Thursday, June 30, 2016

Creative Piece: Loved Ones

(This is dedicated to a coworker who passed away recently and also to those who've lost loved ones).

We thought we had all the time in the world to spend with
those we met,
those we connected with,
those who made us laugh and cry,
those that made us furious and happy,
those that we would never want to part with,
those that we would apologize to,
those that we would take back hurtful words and actions for,
those that we shared similar morals with, and
those we loved and cared for.
Sadly, we miscalculated and
the hands of time won't turn back this time.

Fate is a sneaky little beast.
It took you way too soon, way too sudden.
It snuck up behind us and took from us
the very sunlight in our lives,
the very source of our strength and courage,
the advisor of our lives,
the genuine friend from our embraces,
the compass we relied on so heavily,
the bond we valued so much,
the strong wall that we were able to fall back on.
What will we do without you?

We lament,
we curse at the heavens,
we curse at ourselves,
we curse at life,
we lament at a great life ended too soon,
we lament at the unjust of fate,
yet nothing can bring you back.

You left us with a gift that
fate nor gods can ever take away.
That gift is
your warmth in which we hold close,
your teachings in which we remember,
your big heart in which we honor,
your patience in which we practice each day,
your tolerance in which we give thanks for,
your spirit in which we will carry on,
your energy in which we will never forget,
your passion in which we admire,
your love in which we will carry with us, and
the memories you left us with.
We will continue living for you.

We wish if there is reincarnation,
to meet again
in a different setting,
under a different sky,
under different circumstances,
and be happy with you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

When Does A Mother's Protectiveness Cross the Line?

Mothers are such amazing people. They give birth, give their love, give their care, give their best years, give their energy to their children. Although, they may be difficult to understand and drive you nuts their starting point is meant to be well and just somewhere along the line it twisted into something else. 

Mothers are very protective parents and they would do anything to protect their child. Mothers in the animal kingdom would urge their little ones to run while they stayed and fended off the enemy. They would nourish and watch over their little ones with a watchful eye until they became old enough to fend for themselves. It's always heartwarming to watch such great love. Mothers never give up unless you choose to give up on yourself. Say when a baby lynx gets sick or is born too weak to make it through a certain amount of days and the baby lynx chooses to not fight for itself. The mother would choose to abandon them as they serve as a hinder to the family as much as it pains them to do so. 

Think about it like this. Mothers train us in life when we are young. It's like teaching someone to ride a bike. A mother would always be behind the bicycle, both arms protecting us until we are able to balance ourselves and ride on our own. Their hands are always around us to shield us from pain. But there comes a point where they let go to let us ride life on our own or give up when we choose to give up trying to ride the bike. It's a cause and effect cycle. 

Our moms are not that different from them. They will do anything to protect their children and be willing to make any sacrifice though not every sacrifice may be known to us. They are afraid that we aren't able to stand on our own and make sure everything is fine before they finally take their hands off the handles of the bicycle we are on. And then there are some mothers who never take their hands off. Sometimes too much protection from them will never give children space to grow. 

However, there are mothers who are overprotective and must be in every second of their children's lives and force their views, morals, opinions, and decisions on their lives. They try to control what type of person we date, how our salary should be invested, what we eat, how we live, what we study in school, what clothes to buy, when should we get married, etc. Mothers are...they love organizing everything sometimes. They love to plan out our lives for them so we become their joy and pride. It's not a bad thing but sometimes they just go overboard. When they start causing trouble, such as trying to make you break up with someone or stop talking to someone, butting their noses into everything...that's overprotection. It's like they're holding the handles of the your bike in a death like grip and unwilling to let go. They love the control and they probably feel they've invested so much into you and in order for you to good life, they cannot allow a single mistake. 

In my thought, it's sort of like an obsessive compulsive disorder. They fear you cannot do well on your own. They fear you will make mistakes. They fear you will make the wrong decisions, fall in with the wrong crowd. They want to arrange the aspects of your life to their approval. What they don't know is how much pressure and anxiety that gives their children. 

Frightening isn't it? The starting point was simple motherly love...and then it turns into a manipulative and obsessive love. A mother's love is so strong that it frightens even their children sometimes but it also drives a mother and a child apart when that love becomes too much to the point where it becomes an obsession. It also drives a knife between the mother and child when the love becomes intrusive and unreasonable. 

I believe that mothers should learn to let go when the time is right no matter how unwilling they are. Letting go is also a part of loving their children as in the opposite...too much protection will never allow the children to go and cause them to be indecisive and be constantly relying on their mothers for answers and help. Let them fall. Let them get hurt. Let them learn from their mistakes, Let them learn from their pain. Let them chase after what matters to them. I am sure that's how our mothers learned about life and all its beauty and ugliness. 

Being overprotective does more harm than good to both the mother and their children. 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Chicago Is Slowly Dying

Chicago is dying. It's dying from violence, from budget cuts for education, for rising taxes, and corruption. It is truly a tragedy to see such a once so vibrant city start to crumble from mistakes, poor decisions, and greed of politicians. 

When I saw the news article on the devastating cuts for CPS new year, I couldn't suppress my anger anymore and chose to write a blog post on this. I am not a mother nor do I have any relatives who go to public schools but I went to public schools up to high school. I remember we would have around 27 or sometimes 30 students in a classroom which is normal. However, it was difficult for the teacher to keep an eye on everyone. People would be doing homework for other classes half the time. I used to do the same and this shows how teachers can't even control that size of a classroom.

If they cut the funds as much as they plan to for the next school year, so that classrooms will double in size, classes will be combined and non-core classes will be cut down then it's hurting no one but the students. A classroom with possibly 48 students is impossible to manage for high school teachers unless they plan to put student teachers in every class that is doubled in size. These are high schoolers. High schoolers are just teenagers who have huge egos, little to no self-control, self-awareness, or maturity. No offense to anyone but that's what I'd see and experienced going to public schools. There will always be class clowns and students that cause trouble and that will disrupt everyone else. And with everyone relying on smartphones so heavily nowadays, it is the biggest distraction in a classroom. 

Moreover, the bigger size a classroom is the harder is it reach out to every student unless students take the initiative to approach the teacher and not everyone is comfortable doing that.  

My second point is cutting down on non-core classes is a big mistake because many students have a huge passion for the arts and to cut down on those classes is like taking away their life. I studied creative writing in school and I loved my creative writing class during my senior year of high school. It was the most enjoyable class in all my four years of high school. 

I hate how the funds never make its way down to the schools. It always gets distributed among those above them. That's what makes me sick and hate politics the most. How can you strip students of their future and hope because of your own greed? That is something I don't think I will ever understand. 

Friday, March 25, 2016

Fiction Can Be so Frighteningly Real

I came across a Korean drama called: Descendants of The Sun. You can read the summary here: . I am not usually a big fan of Korean dramas. I think they're a bit vague and it's the same story every single time, the topics are the same, and the endings are always so heartbreaking. I just feel Korean dramas rarely have a sweet ending...the ones I come across anyways.

I hate tragic endings and there have been dramas where even the main leads all die. Something is seriously wrong with Korean dramas.

This drama caught my attention because the second couple seemed to have such amazing chemistry on screen. Seo Dae Young and Yoon Myung Joo. They reminded me of me and a coworker that I have intense feelings for. I'll just summarize how their relationship is.

Basically this guy is often so detached and distant to this girl. He is always so cold towards her and then there are moments where he's so warm-hearted towards her. He cares for her a lot but he rarely allows it to show. He's a really cautious guy and her father disapproves of him greatly as the father had his eyes on someone else as a potential son-in-law. This girl is so relentless and knows what she wants and persists until she gets it which in this case is him. She calls him. He never answers. She texts him...he never replies. He knows it is her and knows he can't be with her. However, she is so full of joy and shines so bright even if it's only his voice that she hears. She just wants to be near him even if he refuses to show any true emotion.

She called him one time and he didn't pick up and she apologized for not always being there for him, for not holding his hand enough, for not hugging him enough but she also said she wished that he would just hold her hand and hug her later on in a different episode. Then there was one episode where he finally answered her call but didn't say anything and just listened to her

And in one of the latest episodes...where the girl was in the midst of an earthquake, this guy finally got his wake up call. The girl asked him how he would have felt if she was not alright after what happened. The guy refused to answer at first but then he stated that he would have regretted all the times he tried to run away from her. And she asked if he was just going to stand there like that. And he just embraced her in a hug.

I was like 'awwwww...!'

This guy at work is exactly the same. He's so close sometimes and then there are days or a short period of time where he just distances himself from me. There's no physical playing around or much goofing off verbally. I feel he's in a constant inner struggle with himself. It frustrates me. I ask myself many times of why he does certain things when he knows I will dwell on it for days and days. And then he doesn't do anything a period of time and it leaves me so sad and confused and dwelling on what the heck is he thinking.

Fiction is frighteningly real....and it is so relatable this time to me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Friday, February 19, 2016

In Memory of Harper Lee

US author Harper Lee dies aged 89:

I was running around on errands and pulled out my phone to check something when I saw a BBC breaking news notification and saw that 'Harper Lee dies aged 89'. My brain went blank for several moments at this news. It is always tragic when you learn the death of family members and those you admired, respected, or inspired you. It just feels like something was ripped from your chest and you lost something irreplaceable. Another thought that popped into my head was what is with all the deaths of famous creative people such as: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee to name a few. This is just a random thought that I have right now and that is:  'the older generation passes on their legacy to the younger in hopes that new legacies will rise from the ashes of those gone.' ~Ann. In a depressing point of view, the heavens are cruel to end the lives of these legacies but everyday a new one will rise or so we all hope but can never replace those before them. Sorry for digressing!

I remember I was in sixth grade or fifth grade when our english teacher introduced us to To Kill A Mockingbird. None of us knew what it was about and many of us found it boring and confusing for that age. However, we did manage to understand the book with in class readings and discussions and our love for the book grew tremendously. In my personal opinion, this book opened my eyes and mind to justice and racism. I caught onto the book's deeper meaning quick and it pained me as we were closer to the end of the book. It's a book everyone should read and at an early age too because it will open your eyes and mind to what is still happening now in the world. Prejudice based on class, social standing, cruelty, to not prosecute those who've done no wrong, and the inevitableness of fate. 

I reflected that the title of the book means to kill the innocent which was Tom Robinson. Mockingbirds are harmless birds and yet they get killed by poachers and other reasons. It is a sad fate and cannot be changed. 

The quote I included above is my favorite quote from the book and when I always try to do on a daily basis no matter how difficult the day. You cannot claim to know someone until you see things from their point of view and be in their shoes. This quote strongly emphasizes discrimination and to not discriminate or be prejudice about others for any reason. It's not a surprise of how strongly To Kill A Mockingbird reflects society during the time it was written and published. My love for this book has no ends. It shaped me as a person too. 

I have not read Go Set A Watchman yet. I have heard mixed reviews and I don't want any of my characters ruined. 

I love this quote from Harper Lee herself. You guys should all remember this quote and keep it at heart. Rest in Peace, Harper Lee! I will never forget the characters you created and the books you wrote. You were truly an amazing writer and will never be forgotten for the lives you influenced and changed and the minds you put to work after reading your books. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

Life and Age

(I chose to use this picture because this is a new series I am watching and because I was just captivated by how amazing the effects and angle this scene was captured at. It shows a sense of age and how age changes a person through the span of forty years supposedly.)

Age is a number. It’s a number we don’t have to think of when asked or when we just want people to know. It’s meaningless. It doesn’t start carrying any weight or meaning until you open your mind and share what your values and mindsets are as a person. It doesn’t start carrying weight until you are aware that younger people than you are going through what you went through months, years, or even decades ago. You’ve been there. You’ve fallen and made mistakes that can’t be reversed and have the experience to teach others and warn them and protect them before they make similar mistakes.

Age also is such a powerful expresser of vitality and the cruelty of time. Life and age are both tightly knotted together and cannot be separated no matter what happens. Life forces us to grow and change. Age proves we’ve experienced too much that sometimes what we want to tell can never be finished or we can’t find words to describe how we feel. I find it so fascinating and just wanted to blog about this.

When we were young, we are so full of youth and vitality and energy. We speed through our best years of childhood and teen years in a jog. We are so innocent and have little to no worry about responsibility or anything else other than friends, school, and family. Emotions are shown freely. We cry freely and laugh freely and whine freely no matter if it’s at home or in public without holding back. This is a time of experiencing a lot of things for the first time with brimming anxiety and thirst for adventure. We were all hotheaded and stubborn and following our hearts to wherever it wanted to lead us to. We are filled to the brim with impatience. We were full of determination to chase after what we wanted and thought about consequences after. Learning what responsibility meant comes after a few bumps and scratches. Learning self-control through time.

When we reach mid-age, we have lost our youth and some of our energy. Our speed has slowed down by half and no longer see a need to catch up to anyone or run as we once needed to. We no longer have such a fiery desire to win in everything. We have seen our share of life from break-ups, to relationships, to different jobs, to meeting different people, to knowing who our true friends are, and learning how to it was for our parents to take care of an entire family. Many things in our eyes have changed its importance and we no longer feel as strongly as we did when in our youth. We start thinking of how silly we were only years ago and how much weight that lies on our shoulders. And how weary we’ve grown of the game of life. We learn that we won’t always get what we want and there are some dreams that can never come true. And sometimes what we settle for regardless if it is more or less of what we are satisfied with matters little as long as we did our best. To enjoy the failures, the successes, and the journey overall was most important.

When we’ve reached old age, all our youthful vitality is gone and energy levels are no longer what it once was long ago. We no longer have the energy to run and choose to just walk slowly and peacefully through old age. All those we love have either left us or have families of their own to take care of. We see everything with rarely any importance anymore. Our mind is at a state of calmness and peace. We feel that our work is done and we no longer have to compete ro fight with anyone for anything anymore. There are only the memories of the good days and years that accompany us through each day. The people that can no longer come back, the people who’ve we haven’t heard from in a long time, and the people made a difference in our lives will never be forgotten remain fresh in memory each day. We have a heart and mindset as clear as the purest water without a hint of dust. We are filled with nothing but compassion and love. The one thing we may have left in our hearts by this point is probably regret. Regret of not saying something to someone years ago or letting opportunities pass us by because of our own insecurities and morals as a person. Old age is a time of reflection on one’s own life to be put simply and if possible to make wrongs right.

This is how I see the three stages of our lives. No one has to agree but I thought it would be fun to share.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Reflection On Article: Intermarriage 'major risk factor' in Peterborough child deaths

I came across this article and it's just so tragic to read about. Children are so precious and bright and shouldn't die at such a young age when they've barely gotten to see much of the world yet. Children are suffering because of their parents' actions. The reason of death was due to congenital abnormalities. 

Experts say that it is because of 'culture condition' that these tragedies happen to children. First cousins marrying each other and so on. 

In most Asian cultures, this is a very big deal because they absolutely reject the idea of marriage between first cousins and even if two people are completely unrelated but have the same last name are not allowed to marry each other.  It's a very big deal and you could be disowned for committing such 'disgraceful crimes'. 

I know if we are to look at this from a scientific view then there is a pile of scientific reasonings that make sense of why those abnormalities happened and has nothing to do with culture. However, I have to say that I am someone that has witnessed this in my family. Two of my first cousins married each other despite the disapprovals of the entire family. They'd tried to keep the two apart and keeping them apart was worser than keeping them together. I can't help but feel that it is because of karma and fate that pulled those two together. They got married and had a son and that son is already an adult but mentally he is unstable and has many mental conditions. His parents are now spending their lifetime in the countryside, protecting their son for the rest of their lives. 

Many people don't take this seriously and think: 'oh this won't happen to us. I see nothing wrong with marrying my cousin.' But I feel they just think of themselves too highly. Anything can happen and we shouldn't be so selfish as in taking the risk and ignoring the inhuman fact that we are indirectly killing a child if that child dies. 

In the article, it says that intermarriage happens more frequently in the Middle East and what drives these marriages is being able to maintain lands and property through extended family. It pains me to see that in order to preserve unsubstantial things like property...people will go to any lengths including risking the lives and health of their children. I would understand if both parties really loved each other 

It's just property guys. It's just land. A human life is nothing more but a dozen of decades and in the end how much stuff can we really take with us? Nothing.