Saturday, September 13, 2014

Letters Vs. Digital

In today's society, technology has pretty much taken over a lot of things we can do by hand and contacting people who may live in a completely other country no longer takes months but simply a click away. I'm not saying that that is not ideal or convenient. However, we lose something unique and precious too as well aren't we? Maybe it's just me and my weirdness; however, I'm a huge lover of writing actual letters to friends who are even in the same city as I am. 

Many friends react with 'What is wrong with you? Why are you wasting stamps when someone is less than a text, call or email away?' Well, I can't change their views or them, but I can say waiting for a letter response from someone brings me the greatest joy. That anxiety, the wonder of how they'll respond, the touch of the letter under your fingers when you retrieve it from your mailbox and so much more. 

Those are really precious moments for me. I love gently opening an envelope and pulling out that bundle of paper of handwritten penmanship. I love holding the paper close to my nose and hopefully pick up their scent somewhere along it. I treat every letter I receive as a newborn baby. I love taking my time leisurely to read the letters and trace my fingers over their writing to see how hardly they had pressed down onto the paper. 

All the letters I ever receive are all tucked carefully in a gift box I got a few years ago. Every so often I have a habit of pulling them out and just read them again and again. It helps me recall the memories, the friendship, the moments we shared and I feel it strengths our bond as well. 

Technology is of course more convenient and faster. There is sadly a lack of the physicalness of being able to touch their words on paper and to smell the stationary on which it's written. If something happened to your phone, to your email account causing all those saved emails and text messages to be lost then that's that. Lost forever in the abyss of the technological world. Handwritten letters would never be lost unless your room catches on fire or you drop them in the toilet. 

I would not give up traditional letters any day nor would I ever. 

Friday, September 12, 2014

If the Essential aspect of your life was taken away...

 One of my dearest friends is going through massive changes in life and all my efforts are rebounding back on me. Have you ever had a friend who you've known for too many years to count and came to a stalemate because they seem to have derailed so far from how they originally were. I feel like I've looking at a stranger. Are they still the same friend I shared so much with, gone through so much with and have now lost? 

This dear friend has been an essential part of my life for nearly seven years yet I don't remember when they became essential. And I can say bravely that I know them so well like the back of my own hand. They have drowned themselves in an interest and obsession that has grown out of control. This fear won't go away though they assure me it is nothing and normal. They seemed to have turned from a good and simple person to a completely different person who does care if what they say hurt others or hurts how much. 

I am not mad nor do I hate them. I want to help but when they don't accept your aid there is nothing else for you to do. People have told me to let it be but I can't but a part of me knows I have to. 

I feel that it's a journal where all the writing and entries have been erased with not even a trace to recall on. All that we went through is slowly being wiped clean and rewritten and it is frightening. I feel as if a hole in me has been growing wider and wider and I can't stop it or fill it with this feeling of emptiness and fear. What was once warmth and joy has turned to confusion and a loss of direction. 

What if the most essential person, object, place, was taken from your life? What would you do?

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Call me stupid or slow. But I never knew there was such things as wishbones from chickens! Until my coworker at work who was pulling chickens came up to me holding out a wishbone. I looked at him strangely and he said to make a wish but don't say it and then pull on one side until it snapped while he held the other! 

I lost the first time but I had wished for things to go well for the guy and I. He said that even thought I lost his wish was for my wish to come true. Sometimes he can be a pain in the butt but usually he is quite a nice guy. He's just overly blunt but that is not a bad thing at times, it's just how he is. 

He gave me another wishbone later on and I finally won and I do hope my wish will come true. 

So here is a little informative on wishbones and the symbolization behind it:

plural noun: wishbones
  1. 1.
    a forked bone (the furcula) between the neck and breast of a bird. According to a popular custom, this bone from a cooked bird is broken by two people, with the holder of the longer portion being entitled to make a wish.
an object of similar shape to a wishbone, in particular.

Wishbone usually stands for a wish or desire. If the wishbone is unbroken it means the wish will be fulfilled in the near future. If the wishbone is broken or cracked, but all of the pieces are still there the wish will eventually come true. However if the wishbone is broken and a piece is missing, it means your wish will go un-granted.

I've never heard about this but it's surely interesting,  I wish there were enough wishbones to go all around for everyone in the world and they can make wishes for what they need the most and what the world needs the most which is peace. 

If I could find another wishbone, I will wish that I can help a dear friend of mine. We should waste wishes on material things but on things that will make the world a better place, wishing for the wellbeing for our closest family and friends, wishing for happiness, and bliss for those in distress, wishing for world pace, for equality and for fairness with no separation of class, nor discrimination. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Brotherhood in Nirvana in Fire

For you guys who aren't familiar with 琅琊榜 (Nirvana in Fire) please check out this amazing post on Jole Cole's site to get an idea first: 


Now with that out of the way. Let me digress on what makes this series so special that I am anticipating for next year. As the links I provided above said, this is a huge bromance (like leading you believe it is but there are no crazy scenes from the craziest exotic YA book you usually read). 

It's brotherhood, bromance in terms of how much a friendship means regardless of how many years may pass or how much has happened. They stay true to what they shared, what bonds they created in this historical era of China. This series lacks in the heated romance you want to see in YA books or Kdramas, Cdramas, any type of drama.

This series is based on brotherhood and revenge. Being betrayed and coming back to get revenge and trying to amend severed brotherhood bonds and forging new ones. 


The theme I wanted to discuss is brotherhood and what it means in today's society which many youngsters nowadays take too lightly. I'm a traditionalist or old fashioned some would call me. But what I can say is I am huge on brotherhood in Chinese it's written as 情义。 Maybe it's because I grew up in a family that has never really cared for me other than a few that I tend to see brotherhood as a much more serious bond than most. Friends are family, closer than family to me. 

I would do anything for friends even if I've only known you for a short time. It's not the amount of time that counts but what is exchanged between the two that matters the most. Most friends who have known each other for a life time and yet they don't understand each other at all or willing to go to extreme lengths for them. Yet friends who may have known for only a short period of time would do anything for each other because they know each other so well. 

Youngsters nowadays make friends on a whim of liking the same band or food and that's it. It's just my opinion but they don't know what real brotherhood is. You have to have gone through a lot to understand the price and meaning of it. They abandon you after a small fight of abandon you once they feel you aren't cool enough to hang out with anymore. 

Brotherhood and friendship shouldn't be based on material things but on a firm and strong foundation. I'm not saying something like in the old days where you would take a blow for someone or something but someone who truly understands you and able to be there for you in the good and bad, genuine friends. That's what brotherhood means. 

And Nirvana in Fire portrays that so well in the trailers. Brotherhood and friendship shouldn't be short lived but long lived and able to withstand the cruelty of time and changes of seasons or even if you lost contact and come back with a changed appearance but who you are hasn't changed. That is true brotherhood in no matter what kind of time era. 

You should be open minded, open hearted, accepting, forgiving and sincere if you truly treasure those friends you truly want to keep for a long time. It shouldn't be destroyed easily nor forgotten with the passage of time.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Greatly effected by a book I've been reading...

I usually don't do book reviews on this blog nor talk about books on this blog. However, while I reading this book on my way home from work on the bus I found it impossible to put down. Murakami is one of the top authors which I love dearly and his writing is so simple and realistic, there is no going in circles. His characters' dialogue is direct when it has to be and hidden with riddles when it had to be. He manages to capture human aloneness so well. 

The book is clearly up there with Norwegian Wood and his best works. It deserves to be read widely by all ages. I adore how his books all have a metaphysical theme, the strong theme of friendship, love, bond, life, and tons of reflection. The horror I felt from it was how much people change in sixteen years. How regrets and words left unsaid back then haunt us for a lifetime. The flow of time theme is so strong and relatable that made me even feel undeniably old as I recalled my own twenty-five years of life and all I went through. 

Another fascinating thing about this book is the beautiful cover under the cover jacket and the inside flaps which is a complete map of Tokyo's rail  system. It makes me want to travel to Japan as soon as possible and ride on every single of those lines and sit at those stations and just watch as commuters board and get off. That would be really peaceful to experience...

Quotes that I really enjoyed in the book: 

"Everything has boundaries. The same holds true with thought. You shouldn't fear boundaries, but you also should not be afraid of destroying them. That's What is most important if you want to be free: respect for and exasperation with boundaries. What's really important in life is always the things that are secondary." (77)

I love this quote. This inspires me to not be afraid of pushing my limits as a writer and in life. Boundaries are made by us, by mankind and is made to be able to be destroyed. Nothing is forever and boundaries will only limit our flow of thought, limit our chances, limit our knowledge. 

"You can hide memories, but you can't erase the history that produced them." (204)

Memories are precious, they may be warm, happy, sad, frightening and we often try to forget the memories that wounded us the most. However, no matter how we try to conceal the memories, we will never be able to wipe the history that made them. The history that made them shaped who've we becoming as a person, made us mature, made us stronger, and made us wiser. We can forget the memory and conceal it but we are what stepped out of that history that made those memories. 

"Talent is like a container. You can work as hard as you want, but the size will never change. It'll only hold so much water and no more." (206)

I suppose this quote goes to say that many are naturally born with a certain amount of talent. It can only hold so much for each person until it hits the brim and is locked it and if you force anymore it will only be lost. Quite a negative thought but true in some ways. 

"That amazing time in our lives is gone, and will never return. All the beautiful possibilties  we had then have been swallowed up in the flow of time." (341)

This is a quote that I really relate too. Because I once experienced some amazing times and it came fast and left fast, that simplistic state of mind, that rush of joy, those uncomplicated years. First love, first car ride, first trip. Unheard words, feelings that were never confessed out loud, all those possibilities have been dissolved with time. This is a very haunting theme.

"The right words always seemed to come too late." (341) 

I have this problem again and again. When people tell me something deep or tragic, I tend to be a wooden doll unable to say anything comforting and meaningful back. It takes time. My right words always come too late.

"Never let fear and stupid pride make you lose someone who's precious to you." (342)

Yes, this is very true. Never let fears and pride make you lose someone important to you. I had a huge fear of relationships for several years after bad experiences and I feel that if you meet the right person. Those fears and pride should be forgotten and placed down or you would lose the right person forever. 

"We each have our paths to follow, in our places. There's no going back." (342)

I find this very sad. Even the closest friends may split paths because we have different goals, different occupations, different schedules that don't allow us to gather together once we are adults as often as we wish. There is really no going back to those school days. 

"Not everything was lost in the flow of time." (388)

This is a more positive thought to think not everything was lost. There is always the possibility that we would be able to reconnect, to state what was unsaid and confess feelings that were left unconfessed. But it's only too late but it's good to know. 

"We truly believed in something back then, and we knew we were the kind of people capable of believing in something with all our hearts. And that kind of hope will never simple vanish." (388)

This is very inspiring and a great way to remember our golden days in school. Again with that simplicity and having simplistic hope. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Fortune Cookies

I haven't been able to be freed of my woes yet. However, I've come to a certain level of peace with myself. What's meant to be yours will be yours regardless of any hardships that may come. It will come back one day to the palm of your hand. My aunt once told me that a fruit you take by force from it's vine will be bitter and never sweet. In short my interpretation is when you force things to go your way or be yours will turn out badly. Everyone will be in pain and you're forcing your happiness on someone else's pain. I don't wish of that of those I love and care for. If anything that's the one thing, I understand well when I was growing up and going through experiences. 

I always loved opening fortune cookies. When a child hears 'fortune cookie', they usually think maybe it's a magical cookie that can foretell your fortune. When an adult hears it, I usually hope there is a sentence of encouragement or a sign that will give me an answer to the question on my mind. If possible, I wish I had all the fortune cookies in the world to open up just so I could read all the papers. How many are exactly the same? How many actually hold the answer I am seeking? I know that isn't the point and won't be accurate. 

However, I cannot do anything but wish selfishly that I can find an answer in the fortune cookie i reach out a hand to on the table. In my heart, I usually pray with all my heart and mind that it will hold an answer that I wish for. Many of the times I usually get a slip that makes no sense and that upset feeling overwhelms me. I usually arm wrestle people for more cookies and hope one will hold the answer I want. I wonder if that is taking a fruit by force? 

But right now I only want a slip of paper from a fortune cookie and for it to tell me whether or not I've picked the right person to be dedicated to or are higher powers just testing and toying with me. I am worried if this time is an empty shelled dream....I won't be able to muster up courage to pursue someone again. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Yes, I lose all logic...

I may never understand what love is. And people I love may never understand why I love in such a fierce and stubborn way. I wouldn't describe it as fierce but it is similar to if I set my mind and heart to a guy, I think put my full attention on them and smother them with my passionate nature and feelings is more like it. I would never be unfaithful or loyal or even have a crush on another guy. Because this guy, I've set my mind and heart on is sucking all my love out of me into him. 

Recently--I've been faced with the matter of two guys who like me. One is an old high school friend and one is who I might at work. The difference between them is the one from high school is especially direct and blunt and so mature. We have much common and overlapping qualities we want in another half. The one from work is a bit less mature and more adventurous and young of course. But we are like a set of porcelain dolls with similar views, personalities and basically similar to the other guy. The thing is this younger one likes beating around the bush and and not saying what he means or feels directly. there has been a mixture of signs from him. The older one has already confessed his feelings for me and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I feel like I'm running as fast as I can at the center of a Ferris wheel.  I cannot slow or stop my feelings for the younger guy and one side I feel guilt and lost with the older guy. They are both wonderful guys and I still can't decide. I am loyal to the younger even though the time we've known each other is short but I can see it to be amazing. 

I am sorry, I am all but logical right now and am able to decide. Time is chasing up to me and in another few years I will be thirty. How fast eh? I have lost all the pieces of logic in the world and I don't know where to pick them back up from.