Happy Sixtieth Post: Progress on Life- Lost and Found again



 Masami Iwasawa preforming ‘My Song’ 
This is my life. I wanted to sing like this. This is why I was born. I want to save someone… Just as I was saved. I finally… Finally found it.
First of all thank you to all the faithful readers and followers of my blog for so long. I'm really happy and grateful for those who have stuck with me online and in real life for better and worse in order for me to make this blog possible. I've finally reached sixty posts on my blog on this fine fall day. I thought for a long time for what I wanted to make this post about to give it special meaning. But I thought the special meaning is to let all those who read it know how I finally came to a new chapter in life.

I found a piece of me that I thought was lost and found it again with the help of a very dear friend, Rekari. :3. So as I would say to you personally...Arigatou from the bottom of my heart. You may have thought you didn't do much but you did.

Onto the main topic of my post. I felt that I had lost two very important aspects in life as a person when I was very young and that is being treated fairly and being firm enough when a situation requires it. And on recent matters--I felt I lost my passion everything became colorless for me suddenly yesterday there wasn't much passion to write or read. It was frightening but real. It felt sucked out of me literally perhaps because of what I have been going through recently. I didn't tell anyone, but Rekari because others would think I was probably losing my mind.

The first aspect of life 'fairness' I never really asked or thought I deserved fairness because fairness had been denied from me since a young age because of family matters. I grew up believing I didn't need that as long as everyone I cared about was treating fairly, always putting myself last in any situation, not worrying about myself. The truth is that's not really healthy and I deserve fairness as well especially with the guy problems I've been tangled in as you may have read in earlier posts. I should be treated fairly too not to make it sound selfish or anything but I do need fairness or else I'll be exhausted soon. My heart and energy will be dried out. It's hard to adapt to asking to be treated fairly but I'm doing my best.

The second aspect of life 'being firm' where I should put my foot down when something seems wrong. Some friends would call me indecisive or unwilling to be mean and blunt when I have to when I see something wrong or I'm being treated wrongly. I tend to worry about the other's feelings and reaction first rather than just believing in my gut. I worry about hurting them with my words and opinion and refuse to be decisive. This can and is causing a lot of problems in my life right now. I should put my foot down and be more defensive about myself and worry about others after. I deserve to have that right and that will lessen a lot of problems and worrying as well.

I just felt I've been asleep or sleeping in the depth of a brutal frozen winter, a part of me had been asleep too long. And now it's broken free of the ice and is unraveling it's wings slowly, lifting it's head to what I've become and asked what the heck happened? I have a feeling this will be a good change for the better.

As for the loss of passion, I feel I've buried myself in some matters too passionately and selflessly though I've lost what could make me smile and very happy easily. And that is my writing and my books. Before certain events happened, I found pure joy just writing without worrying about anything and able to enjoy a bright blue sky without having as much as a heavy weight on my chest. I thought it through today that in the end the thing that makes me happiest is my laptop, my paper and pen, a good book and music...they all fill me with inspiration. And cause me to smile like a silly child. I--haven't felt this for weeks and now that precious feeling is found again.

As Iwasawa-Chan (the girl in the gifs above) says, This is my life. I was saved by books and writing. I want to save and help others by doing what I do best. I'll hold the hand that a book reaches out to me with, I'll hold the hand of pen that lays waiting for me to pick up.

NOW: As a gift to anyone who has been reading my posts, and to my followers and friends who see this, I am willing to write one piece of poetry for anyone who wants one as a thank you. It can be on anything just give me some details to work with. 

If you are curious at how my creative writing looks like, please check out my poetry blog before making a request! 

Link: http://autumnskies.wordpress.com

Thank you! ^^

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